Sunday, December 17, 2006
i know i am capable of loving with more of myself now, loving on a more unconditional level. as i have grown throughout past relationships, i have endured ups and downs, as anyone would. i have made mistakes aswell as made some really great decisions that have bettered and furthered myself. and it's only in my present state that i can understand my past. i look back and everything seems clear. my wrongs, my mistakes. we all make them. i've learned to forgive myself. and in doing so, in being able to still have faith in myself throughout so much detriment to my being and perhaps others in the process, in being able to still forgive and love myself, i am able to feel that exact way for others. i am ready to accept someone fully. i am ready to be there through another's faults, to stand tall beside another, to truly love with all i've got so far. its true the saying, your true first and last love: self love. we're not too halves making a whole, we're two wholes, merging, linking our chains.
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you know i still read this some days because i hope you're doing well. and from beneath your smiling face, i get the feeling that you're being pulled with time maybe against your will. I read and reread, and think.. maybe look at a photo. we both hold on, but in different ways. I dont even think i should write this, because it alone cant change the situation. but im wishing you the very best. and a merry christmas too. ill try to call you when the day comes around. I dont know how to lift your spirits, and if i say those things that would make you smile, it also wouldnt help much.
It just is what it is. So smile.
-You know who
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