Marriott Hotels & Resorts

Not 1999, or 2000, but 2006. Time flies. Things I thought were important aren't nearly as significant and life has and will continue to keep moving on. I am grateful to have been so.. keen? as to have written my thoughts down on paper and stored away on this database. Analysing my states in such a way has been, I think, fairly beneficial to my overall health. It was Caitlin's birthday yesterday, the big 18. :) Today I'm having a party for her. It just dawned on me that everyone will be back together, a huge bit of summer rekindled. Last night I sat infront of this screen, shaking my feet, bobbing my head, surging with anticipation and antsy feelings whilst typing. I haven't felt that antsy in a long time. I remember sitting at the bus station waiting, breathing becoming a foreign task. There is a lot less stress in my life, or is it just that it's the same but i've learned how to cope? We've all gone on such different routes since September, yet tonight here most of us shall be. This room is filled with the aromas of summer. And this time it's not bittersweet, it's just god damn exciting :) Malcolm <3 is sitting on my shoulder as I sit and write this. I think he's mesmerized by the sound of the keys. I'm typing fast enough. He feels warm with me - I rub my cheek against his cute, little, furry face and he purrs automatically. My baby boy. Yesterday Andrea said she couldn't find him, and my heart started pounding out of my chest. All I could think as I scrambled around for him, was of the image of him on the street, hurt. I suppose that's how our parents feel when we're late, when we leave them in the dark. I'm losing track of where I was..... Tonight shall not be a blast to the past, but a step forward, into the new year, with friends new and old. We take our past wherever we go. I'm glad to have all these wonderful parts of me still around. I love my friends and I love that recently I have made peace with things that had gone unsettled. No drama, no worries, smiles all around. My antsy feelings also made me think of Mark. Maybe I needed him to leave the country in order to get over him. I say this and for me, not him: All things from the C, and not for any selfish reason, or atleast that is my intention, which matters. They are in what truly feels, to be the right place. It's a tingly feeling. If he were still here, maybe I'd be crying right now, maybe I would have allowed myself to have my heart broken even more so. I took so much out of our relationship and I am forever grateful and glad we were together when we were, but we are no more with the ways I once would fall to the ground to have back. I repeat this in my head as I type it, a million times over. *Click* I do hold on, but in different ways now. And my love will always run thick, and strong, unable to ever really have it cut off. So long as you know who knows that I will always be here for him. But for now.. my feet are on the ground (well, okay... maybe only one), my head in the cloud, my eyes set on the moon, my arms encompassing, embracing the earth. This feeling can be described with one word: whole.
How you gun' win when you ain't right within? :)