the days before and around the inevitable, seemed to be days without hours and minutes, all of it just a flow of time that made every moment seem exactly like the moment before and the moment after. i remember. i just kept my face forward, my eyes fixed on my own thoughts, holding tightly to his hand. he, who seemed to move in and out of consciousness. gripping in my other hand, a picture of you, and a flower i would keep forever. the moment that i dreaded the most, came and none of it ever hit me; seeing you, so peaceful, so helpless. i could have sworn you were wearing that right sided smirk you always gave me. tears cascaded out of my tired, bloodshot eyes, and rolled down my expressionless face. nothing made sense. the people around me blurred as i lost all control. the ceiling began to cave in. or was it my heart? all i knew, was that you were gone. and i was nothing. meaningless. my past.. i could not share with any other. years gone to nothing. years for many more of hurting.
and today.. i have accepted that.
i tucked you away, deep within my heart.
so from now on, you live in my heart.
in my smile.
and in my tears shed.
today i felt you reach out your hand to me.
you said, "i see what you see, sam.
i feel what you feel. grab my hand, dammit.
you look so little down there, in the corner there.
come on, i can't stay like this for long."
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