Fearlessness is a delicate virtue, its hard to keep being honest with people when rejection is constantly eating away at my courage. With every persons eyes that meet mine, i felt as if they know exactly who I am and how alone I am. I don't mean to be dramatic, from what I understand youve delt with alot of that so I wish I could spare you this but its not like I have anyone else to tell. I understand completly if you dont want to see me or talk to me, I would just really like to know what it is that I do to drive people so far away. Even if you never talk to me again I hope you could at least find some way to let me know whats wrong with me. I wish I were a machine, so I could just fix all the glitches and rid myself of a concience. Sometimes it feels as though all people are just machines that I dont understand. I feel like my heart is an uncontrollable compassion contraption, with no logic behind any of its order of actions. It just seems to be magnetic, pulling me towards all the cold sharp steely people that dont want me around. I know this is pathetic, I know that I'm drunk. These thoughts have to go somewhere, though, or they will ferment and gather strength. Far too often I become inebriated with sadness and it makes life seem sleepy. I'm not sure how all this sounds to you, please do not misjudge and take it as a cry for attention, far from it. I know this letter is scattered but I can't think of a logical way to fit this all together. Its like so much sadness is soaring throagh my head like a thousand little springs of sorrow. I have alot to offer, I dont know what it is that im supposed to be looking for to bring me happiness but I know that I need some sort of acceptance, some sort of embrace. I dont care in what form, I just need somebody to talk to me and really listen. I'm thinking of getting some professional help because nobody wants to listen for free. Thats all I can think to say right now, I wish I could be more dignified but this routine is getting old and its embarrasing. I'm tired of rejection and I can't stand the way I feel right now.