the most harmless perception about creation is to perceive ourselves existing in the most perfect final state, because that is the only thing created by the creator, the only one in which we exist. it's only for us that the perception is the final state, as though were on initial state and an intermediate state. actually, it's the only existing condition. that is, when the creator conceived to create creations, his idea is instantly became action.

i'm quitting smoking. by using that tense i mean i am in the middle of the act of doing so. i haven't had a cigarette since yesterday, i know, i know, big deal. but one day will turn into one, will turn into two, will be months down the road. these are my intentions. these are hard to follow through with. because when i go without for long enough, i develop massive headaches. but i musn't rely on these chemicals to feel at ease. life is beautiful. especially being rid of this filthy habit.

i don't know where i've been for the past 5 months. but here i am again. i need to start doing that which make me happy. i've realized that i'm the only one who is to blame for my unhappiness. i haven't been sleeping properly, eating properly, going to school like i should, living like i should - period. i've been neglecting things that are important to me like my studies and i've been dwelling in god damn heartache for far too long. i feel like a new person. i'm beginning to make a conscious effort.. so that in due time, these simple things will become the subconscious and a part of me once again. when people run in circles, its a very, very mad world. but my path isn't leading around and around like that anymore. i'm back on the path. the white flowers are blooming as i take every step. i don't see the little boy when i make it through the opening anymore. i see me - every part of me through the tall grass playing with that white elephant.

Maybe we should stop trying to perceive forever in an amount of time because time for everyone is experienced differently. We like to think in units, not personal experience. So why not think of forever in an amount of space? One centimetre is the same to everyone that learns what it is, and yet is enough space to hold any amount of infinity to something that is infinitely small. Maybe there's a reason no one has ever seen an atom or subatomic particle. Maybe it's because they're small enough to disappear and yet, when grouped together, large enough to fill an entire room. Forever is not any amount of time, because no one can perceive it as such. However, everyone can perceive an unlimited amount of space to fill because that is how the human mind works. There is no limit to any length we're willingly to go, despite any repercussions that occur. We will never run out of space because we take up so little, and know we do. Infinity is the unit of measurement every human is born with: large enough to fill a room, but tiny enough to simply disappear.

it is what it is :) it feels so liberating to have so much faith in that. why is it that we invest such faith into our own doubts? it's a funny sort of way of having things work out.

you must come, come to joy
turn your head to the the sun
its down to you
you can shine
you can shake all that sorrow from your heart
its all down to you
if you dare to come, come
come to joy

elephant shoe

ek het jou lief
te dua
ana behibak
m'bi fe
yes kez sirumen
ya tabe kahayu
nahigugma ako kanimo

okay, sam. okay. okay. okay. and let me repeat, do you know where we are?

it's like picking a scab and having it bleed all over again.

nwodedispuuoyeesyllaeriuoyeesinehwdna, but my brain knows better, it picks you up and turns you around

"i didn't give it my all and i'm sorry" did you ever even love me? i'm a joke? i feel like you saying you ever loved me was a joke? i feel like everything i felt was so real, was just a joke to you.

i've been doing this project for my world religion's class on the life of jesus. the 3 other group memebers are really very devout christians. at first, i felt very hesitant to even be in the group, i felt like all the information i was taking in was not only being taught but shoved down my throat. but as we progressed, i became more open to their ideas and concepts and overall faith. last night, we spent a lot of time going over material at brad's house. he comes from a very strong christian based home and i felt so much warmth entering his home. it made me miss the wholesome feelings that come along with having a real home. i never really feel like i'm at home here. i sit on the cough and get as comfy as i can, but i never feel at home.

your hair was wild, your eyes were red
you were in a rage
you were swinging your guitar around
cause they wanted to hear that sound
that you didn't want to play
i don't blame you

Sometimes life's okay

........... I wish that I could make this all go away for you and I wish more than anything that I could bring you back here, but I really don't think you could go back to just being a kid again. I think it is what you need but I know its not what you want. You have to grow up too fast to be on your own like this. I know, I did it. I really wish I hadn't screwed up your life. If it was just you and me it would be okay but Tony well...... he's another story. And Ron ...... well I don't know what to do. I am soooo sorry about all of this . Just know that I love you and believe."


She told me I shouldn't write back to her because Ron snoops around in her inbox. She said it's not him being nosey, but rather him being "Ron". Well I guess he's just nosey than. But we already knew that. So after much else said in this particular e-mail she sent me, I began to get this funny feeling in my stomach. My mother is my best friend. She literally is. I'm so blessed to have her. So so blessed. Just her presence sheds so much light. I was really down and out of it tonight, and sure enough, she was over with chocolate, cigarettes and more comfort than anyone could offer me. I cry a good cry - one out of relief. She didn't ruin my life. She's exposed me, she's been there for me, she's as selfless as one in her position could be. I'd be nowhere without her. I'm just overflowing with the love I have for her right now. I'm my mum's little girl, through and through.

grey light new day leaks through the window

This is the state of our generation, where material abundance gives rise to a sensation of spiritual hunger. We start searching for other sources of fulfillment, often choosing a long and prickly path. Freedom of will exists between the paths of spiritual ascent and the path of suffering. One can only wish that people will “choose life” instead of embarking on the path of suffering, the same path upon which we so often treaded in the past.

"i hate to say it, but there are invisible, steel, wool strings that i just cannot cut. oh, i assure you i've tried, though i haven't given up on attempting/succeeding. my heart is not with me, so i can't possibly give it to another, when it's not even intact for me to do so. does this all make sense? i've put it into a logical sense, and i don't know that i should dab into the emotions that is a branch of which. i gave all my loving one day. and i can't let you wrap your arms around that."

"this is confusion, and pretty deep.. i really don't know what to say"

GIFT OF WONDER
CIRCUS MEMORIES
PUPPETMASTER
ILLUSION OF CHANGE
BOTTLE OF BARE IMBRIUM
THE LETTER
THE JUGGLER
HOPE
SWAN LAKE
LEDA'S DAUGHTER
WATER MUSIC
THE MAGICIAN'S DAUGHTER

January through December, lit up, 1 through 12.

hair like a windmill, eyes just like dandelions. my summertime. it's just a matter of a time. and the sound of his voice still gives me butterflies. so sing me to sleep tonight. skin like a sunset, eyes just like forest fires, behind him his mind. he's a creator, he can inspire. he can redeem a heart that's been sent to exile. and the thought of that he laid beside me still gives me butterflies. so i'll hold those in my sleep tonight. so cold beneath these sheets, my body hides. and in this moment, i understand. you were the reason i empathize the meaning of beautiful. i never knew beautiful until i knew you. grace like an angel, eyes that can paralyze. i think it's time you see... you are the reason i breathe.

Turn down the heat: Global Warming

Almost everyday the news contains reports about global warming. We hear about the millions of cars on the road, releasing carbon dioxide and smog causing pollutants. How and when do we end our relliance on coal-fired electricity generation, the single largest source of greenhouse gases. Deforestation is happening here there and everywhere, depleting the planet's natural ability to regulate the climate.

Human activity has a huuuuge impact on the world's climate.
Pollutants that trap heat in the atmosphere are causing changes to global climate. The average global temperature has rose by 0.7 degrees celsius since the Industrial Revolution. They say its something like the fatest rate of warming the world has seen in the past like... 10, 000 years!
It's been agreed by the science community that if that global temperature rises by 2.0 degrees celsius above pre-industrial levels, that there will be irreversible damage done to our planet. Even though there's some action being taken to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, we're well on our way to that mark. They say by 2050. And will we will continue to exceed this dangerous threshold unless dramatic actions are taken.
Some impacts that have been either predicted or are already upon us are such things as: melting ice caps, rising sea levels, disrupted occean currents, drier droughts, more frequent floods and hurricanes, wider spread of tropical diseases, and food shortages. As it increases, its effects are being felt from the very tip of the highest mountains to deep in the oceans, and from the Equator to the poles. People are at risk. Nature and species are at risk.
People. The heatwave in August of 2003 in Europe was the hottest in 500 years. It killed close to 40, 000 people. Weather invents due to global warming, are more intense and last longer, being more frequent aswell. Not to mention that millions of people around the world live only one metre above sea level. If the heat of global warming melts the Arctic and Antartica ice sheets.... sea levels could rise to nearly 7 metres. Some some islands face complete obliteration. Not to mention that in burning coil and oil, together with high temperatures, more urban smog is becoming more intense and resulting in asthma and other horrible respiratory problems.
Nature. It's been revealed that climate change could potentially result in extinction of more than a million! terrestial species within the next 50 years. Polar bears for example, could become extinct within the next 100 years, due to their natural habitat virtually disappearing. Coral reefs are being damaged by unususally warm ocean temperatures and a decline in them results in fish, sponges, turtles, etc. lacking habitats, and eliminating the livlihood of billions of people. 1/3 of our forests are at risk, aswell as their inhabitants that depend on forests for their survival.
WWF-Canada is working with many stakeholders including government, corporations and individuals to decrease greenhouse gas emissions and ensure the effects of climate change are as minimal as possible.
There are even simple tips any person could easily follow to save energy. Simple changed can make a big difference. Recycle - cardboard, plastic, glass, cardboard and newspapers, 100% of it! Adjust your thermostat - 1 degree celsius down in the winter, and 1 up in the summer. You'll lower your utility bills and reduce gas emissions. If you're not using it, turn it off - Tvs, Dvds, stereos, computers, and lights. Simple, right? Even in standby, atleast 10 to 60 percent of energy is used. If I left my computer on for the whole night tonight, it would produce enough energy to print over 5, 000 copies. Wash economically. Dishwasher not full, don't use it until it is. Same with the laundry. Save even more by trying not to use hot water when washing clothes. Fluorescent bulbs are an idea aswell! Plug up the leaks, that's another. Be garden smart, don't use synthetic fertilizers. Set your hot water stat at 50 degrees C . Don't leave your fridge open for longer than necessary, let food coold down before putting it in the fridge. Where possible, dont stand an oven and fridge/freezer next to each other. See, all these listed above are quite simple actions to take. Bear them in mind, they're all steps forward to fighting this together!