we're never waking up...

i just want to feel beautiful. for once in my life. i want to wake up, and feel like all this dwelling i do on all the complications in my life, that surround me, and consume me everyday, were nothing. i wish i could feel in my bones, that the future holds great suprises in store for me. but recently, i don't have it in me. i feel so cluttered. i know i need to take action. everything i know i need to do, is so far out of my reach, though. i've fallen away from everything i ever knew, and lifting myself up out of this mess... well let's just say i have no upper body strength. my backbone has weakened, and i lack interest for my well being. i've become so irresponsible it makes my stomach turn. and i tried to fill my void with your bedroom walls surrounding me. but it's left me in a state in which i've never been before. i can't help but let the floodgates burst open. i can't hold back. harsh waters drown the living on countless a night.