let the rain fall, i don't care

love is a touchy subject. how does a person know when love is a thing or not? is it butterflies in your stomach? jealousy? comfort? sex? spritual union? are any of those things love? love is beyond comprehension to me. it is magic. i'm a romantic and realize that. is love clinging to support lines because you can't deal, can it be just one kiss? do i know? love is a broad possibility of options. can't grasp it because it's not one thing. what a range of could-be's. there's so much love. decision. indecision. want. letting go. does anyone see where i'm going with this? someone once told me to experience love and not to obtain it. it's terrifying. i'm terrified. breaking off from the familiarness. it's the hardest thing. that's what all these swami-monk priests are all striving for, thats what mark and me and you and anyone are trying for every day. it's the only thing you can do other than saturating yourself in familiar comforts. right now, i'm not doing any of that. i'm sitting in my bedroom, comforting myself with this internet writing, which is a controlled place. but comfort is okay, too. this is a balance thing. i focus my breath. breath is powerful. it's eating oxygen. oxygen fules my body, my brain. my body and brain representative of my soul. i breathe deeply. i am going to get some nice tea. maybe bengal spice or licorice root. face yourself, sam. keep asking questions. contradictions and frustrations. i believe in love. i just don't know what it is.
a good friend of mine always signs her paper letters.
love and light,
me.