little kingdoms in your chest

"you have travelled across the country for love, you know that? *sappy smile*
jeez, massey. i never thought about it like that.



i had almost forgotten until last night as we lay on the couch, tangled in a mess of one another, watching some screened happiness. i floated out of the tv screen and into my own train of thought. the extent to how truly wonderful i feel inside stretches so vast. far more vast than any prairie scape i witnessed on my way here. so there i was floating in a bubble of happiness, his arms around my torso and head resting on my heart, my hands running through his silk like hair. i remember the one night he stole my attention with that one sentence. since than, it has grown to be more and more of a personal mission than anything else. t'was from the start, but of course this has had some sort of influence or effect. it would be unrealistic to say otherwise. "the faded soft breeze carries gently through the window where boy and girl lay ... " and than i fast forward to the day of my garage sale. i had mustered through number after number, sometimes believing it all was... disintegrating, disappearing, disassembling itself from my world without a single ounce of my control. could i let it leave my mind? it still hasn't. i had gone seeking. and i had discovered. upon my discovery, i had run down the long set of stairs to the front door and out onto the lawn where my dear friends and housemates lay in the sun after setting up our wondrous possessions in the driveway, anxious to fundraise. i fail to contain and interrupt a conversation i was not a part of with bursts of smiles, laughter and bouts of jumping and skipping like a pre-schooler. ah, the cool grass! i dive for the grass and wiggle and dance around in the refreshing greens of nature that was my lawn, all the while my cheeks burning from copius amounts of laughter. my friends begin to laugh, aswell. we all know sam's crazy, but what is she doing? i had not even said one word yet. words would spoil the moment. so we laugh together and close my eyes to gain composure. i open them again to stare straight up into my tree. how i loved that tree. it looks as though it was plucked right from the plains of africa. long winding brances that hang low almost as if to keep you company and flat, fanning leaves. the sun was peeking through where it could. it was a pleasant light - warm with it's hazy glow. distance meant not a thing to me in that moment. as i watched the clouds roll by through the openings above in my tree, i realized we are living underneath the same sky. and when we sleep, we sleep beneath the same sky and the sun will rise and we shall rise with it, under that same sky. i felt connected to a happiness that felt as pure as ever. still having not spoken, i jump up to my feet and shake my head and smile to my friends. they are my friends. they do not question. they do not pry. they observe and they are receptive and understanding. they know.

i grab some cherries from the wicker table in the vestabule. i trust my friends will take care of things for these 10 minutes. there is something i must do. sometimes, some things just... are. and those times you feel you just must act upon them... you just.. do. things are and they will be. i rub my cheeks as i pedal to the store with 50 cents in one pocket, and my love and a few cherries in the other. i didn't know than that i would be spending precious time with that spot on the pavement beneath the telephone.

but what i did know, was that i was going to make it. maybe not to such a place as here, with whom i share it with, but here. in my heart of hearts of hearts of hearts. out here where the mountains blow us away and the valleys stretch far and wide. like the love i have inside to give. like the happines that fills my life - the things inside that i want to share with you.