crazy to want

my computer is acting up and it is so hard to type. each letter taking far too long to show itself on screen. malcolm and spic lay sprawled on my bed infront of the yellow night light. i don't dare wake their souls, they are far too precious in their silences. and even when not. i am going to miss my baby malcolm very much. i can't imagine how parents feel about their children. i haven't left barrie yet but i miss it already. i find myself cherishing, savouring things that i've let go unnoticed, the beauty that we're lucky to have surround us. i've been rekindling old fires and re-analyzing friendships and relationships, realizing those i want to stay in contact with. understanding that this is a test of sorts. i realize that this is going to be the first time in my life that i am on my own. my mum will no longer be down the street, no help when i'm hungry, no quick stop bys when i'm down in the dumps. i am scared out of my pants. but i am going because i can't sit here any longer paralyzed with fear. oppourtunities for love, life, and a better sense of independence and strength lay ahead.